Comfort vs Discomfort

People usually value comfort. This has potentially damaging ramifications for relationships and life. What do you tend to choose?

Doc David

Transcript

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Hey friends, Doc David here. Let's talk about a perspective change that could help you.

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You are listening to Hedge Drinking, your answers to life, relationships, and daily living.

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Hello, hello, hello. I'm always so curious what people think, um, or if they even or wonder it. Like, so I haven't posted a episode for a while, just been enjoying summer, went on a couple RV trips, uh, busy, busy working. Um, but I was wondering, like, they see one pop up and like, oh, I follow this podcast still. So um here I am with uh another episode. Episode number, I have no idea. I think it's 80 something. Episode 80 something. Um thought I should post something to remind you that I'm still alive. Thought I should post something so I could get two bucks into my account from all of the amount of listeners that I have to my podcast. Um, anyways, I I was just talking with a client today, and so that's why I wanted to uh post something because we we had this conversation, I've had this conversation before about um why people don't do what they do. And this particular client um was really struggling struggling with the idea of losing weight, and so um I talked about my own kind of thoughts on me losing weight at some point, and and I think a lot of people they and it could be any topic, right? But we're just talking specifically about losing weight. So I think a lot of people they say they want to do something. I want to lose weight, I want to uh get fit, I want to make new friends, I want to go to school and learn a new trade or a hobby or whatever. They want to do something, but yet they don't do anything, they do zero things to uh move the goalposts towards that thing that they want, that goal that they have. And then they complain to friends, families, therapists, oh, I just want to do this thing, or they tell them, I just want to do this thing, but then they do zero in their life to move towards that thing. And I experienced that, like I would say, oh yeah, I would want to lose a couple pounds. But one day I just it kind of clicked for me that I don't do anything, I don't eat a certain way, I don't exercise, I don't do anything in my life to move towards that thing that I say that I want. And why is that? Well, just because I do I really want that thing, and so in my mind, I think I must not want that thing. So to prove that I want that thing, I have to start doing something tangible that moves toward that thing. Um, and again, that thing could be any number of things. Um and so this particular client that I was talking to, we we were like they were saying, Oh, it's because I I think it's because I'm just lazy and I procrastinate. And so we talked about that, and and you know, procrastination in my mind means it's something that you put off, you'll do eventually, but it's something that you put off till last minute. Um, but you'll do it eventually. And in this person's case, and in most cases, when there's not any kind of forward momentum happening, it's not procrastination that is the thing, because procrastination would mean that you actually do move the goalposts, you just do it at the very last minute. Um what this conversation came down to was this idea of comfort versus discomfort, and I think um our society, our current society in general, really values comfort. Um in any number of ways, right? So, food, right? We love to eat food. We love to um we love buffets. Well, some people love buffets. Um one of the things where I really see it is younger adults who want it all, right? They want a two-bedroom apartment with a car and a cell phone, um, the the latest cell phone, and they want a lot of time to do things with their friends, go hiking, camping, travel, whatever. But they don't want to work the 40-hour plus weeks needed to maintain that kind of lifestyle, or the two jobs or three jobs needed to maintain that kind of lifestyle. And why is that? I mean, maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I think you need to work hard to be able to get the things you want. And I think a lot of it comes down to comfort. They they would rather be comfortable than be uncomfortable by working really hard to get good things, and so that comes out in all sorts of ways, and this isn't meant to be political or anything, but that comes out in all sorts of ways. Like, our student loans should be paid, like I have student loans still, I'm responsible for those. Like, our student loans should be paid for, um we should get this for free, or this should be lessened, or or whatever, right? They want comfort, they don't want discomfort, they value comfort. Um, and so let's get more specifically focused on this person that I was interacting with. Um so they don't do anything to accomplish this thing that they want. And I said, I don't think it's because of uh procrastination, I think it's because it's uncomfortable to do this thing that you want. It requires you to do things that you're not finding particularly valuable. Um eating a different way, exercising, uh doing some kind of exercise, stopping smoking of weed, um any number of things like that, where uh you could do one of those things and start the process, but I think oftentimes people get overwhelmed because it's like so many things. So if this is track, if you're tracking with what I'm talking about, um take a baby step of something. Um and the baby step could be like after five o'clock, I'm just not gonna eat carbs anymore, or I'm not gonna eat sugar anymore. Well, I can't do that. Okay, well, find something else that you can do a baby step. I'm every day I'm going to walk for 10 minutes. Um and now we're just talking specifically about uh a diet, but this could be interacting with coworkers, right? I know some people who on a lunch break they'll put headphones on and listen to podcasts or audiobooks because they're just too shy, but then they complain about well, I don't have any friends. Um well, you don't do anything to get friends because it's uncomfortable sometimes for you to go and have conversations that would be the kind of precursor to getting friends, and but you'd rather stay comfortable with your headphones on, listening to whatever you're listening to, and shutting the outside world out for that 30 minutes that you're on your lunch break. Um that happens all over. Like if you've ever been to physical therapy, physical therapy is not comfortable. Um, they work whatever muscle that's been hurt or bone or whatever, they they work you and it's painful, but the point of that painfulness is to create growth. And I think it's no different in our emotional lives where we avoid difficult things because they're uncomfortable, right? So some people say, David, you love confrontation. I don't actually love confrontation. Confrontation is like difficult and uncomfortable, but I know confrontation is something that has to happen sometimes. I don't so I have kids. I don't want to have difficult conversations with my children over choices they've made, but I know that those need to happen if I'm going to be doing the right thing as a dad, and if I want my parents to, or parents, if I want my children to grow into responsible young adults. Um this idea of comfort versus discomfort, I often see it in parenting, right? There's so just even today I had a um some parents in a blended family, and and so this one half said, Oh, my kid has a hard time with my ex. And so I I don't hold them to certain things in my house because you know I feel bad for them. And and I said, No, you should not be doing that. You should not be uh you you shouldn't be do how do I say this? You shouldn't not not be doing good parenting. I know it's double negative, um, because of something that's outside of your control. You should do good parenting no matter what. Um and it's hard because as a parent we love our kids and we want to protect our kids, but it is hard. And so again, if you the if that's a vibe that you're feeling, do good parenting regardless of what your ex is doing. And good parenting could mean consequences. Um and and again, I you're the expert on your kid, you're the one that knows what your kid needs and doesn't need. But so many, I see it in my office, so many parents don't do good parenting because they in the name of I'm trying to protect my kid, but ultimately it's not protecting your kid, it's harming your kid when you're not doing good parenting. But at the core of that, I think is this comfort. I want my kid to experience comfort, and the for the parent, it's uncomfortable for me to parent my kid well. And so parenting is not easy. I'll be the first to acknowledge that. And there's discomfort at times in parenting. But if you do the right thing as a parent over and over and over again, as much as you can, if you're consistent with it, you're gonna see good results of it. It's not gonna always be easy, but again, it's just another example of comfort versus discomfort. Um, relationships with in-laws. It's so easy to bash on in-laws, right? Um when they when you feel like they've done you wrong. That's comfortable though, right? What's uncomfortable is forgiving and overlooking what they've done and and trying to have a reasonable relationship with them. They may not deserve it, true. But again, are you leaning into comfort or are you leaning into discomfort? And the takeaway that I would hope you have with this is that you um would oh my sorry, my screen just blinked out on me. The takeaway is that you st and this is what would be your perspective change, is that you start viewing situations from this uh lens of comfort versus discomfort. Do I not want to do this thing because it's uncomfortable for me? And if that's the case, I would challenge you and say, people do uncomfortable things all over this world every day. And it creates growth for most people. Um and you have a choice, honestly. Lots there's some places where people have to do uncomfortable things and they don't have a choice because the government is forcing them to do uncomfortable things potentially. But you have a choice on whether you uh live life in comfort or live life with discomfort. And I'm not saying that you should always choose discomfort. I I think comfort is okay. Uh most of the time I think comfort is okay, and most of the time the comfort that you're seeking is kind of inconsequential. Where I'm wanting you to get very focused in on is these difficult things in life, relationships, usually, parenting, usually, um, sometimes work, sometimes personal choices over um food intake and diet. Those are the places that become really difficult for people. And it's in those instances where you have to be thinking, am I choosing comfort or am I choosing discomfort in this? It's been great talking to you again. I have no idea when my next podcast is episode is gonna happen. Maybe I'll have some time next week. Today I actually had a couple hours that opened up with some cancellations, and then I had the client that kind of piqued my interest about this comfort versus discomfort thing. So if that's been something that you found to be useful, let me know. Headshrinkinc at gmail.com, or you can go just Google David Simonson, doc David, and my websites will come up and my social medias will come up, and we can connect there. All right, have a great weekend.